


Entropy

by kineticstars



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: ADHD, ADHD Character, ADHD Spencer Reid, ADHD headcanon, No Dialogue, neurodivergence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:34:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27327406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kineticstars/pseuds/kineticstars
Summary: Spencer Reid’s  mind is a beautiful disaster
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	Entropy

**Author's Note:**

> adhd author was slightly self-indulgent and projected herself onto Spencer. No I don’t actually headcanon Reid as having adhd. 
> 
> This work has nothing to do with the cm episode ‘entropy’

Spencer’s mind was a beautiful disaster.

His wonderful, complicated mind, flowing between glorious euphoria and the worst nothing anyone could ever feel.

It was a sickeningly sweet syrup that seemed so right yet so very, very wrong.

In the euphoria there were so many things in his mind that stole his attention. So much energy that he needed to let it out.

Sometimes the energy and needing to do something went to his hands.

Sometimes it made him anxious and overwhelmed.

Sometimes it made everything within him seem so loud, like his head would explode if he didn’t let it out.

And in the nothing there was just nothing; no focus, nothing to focus or center on.

Sometimes there was no energy.

Everything was out of focus and wonky, slightly of kilter. He couldn’t do anything.

He wanted to.

He had to.

But the energetic spark wasn’t there.

Instead of bouncing between a million thoughts and ideas and concepts every five seconds he wasn’t doing anything.

He was stagnant, immobile, stuck.

Sometimes the energy came from outside and _everything was too loud_ and it felt like his head would explode and he was bouncing and tapping and humming to make everything go away.

On the outside he was always pacing and fidgeting and tapping and no one knew the reason why variedfrom hour to hour.

But he felt it.

He felt it everyday of his life.

He knew the random bursts of energy weren’t appropriate for work. He knew the incessant bouncing and tapping and humming were annoying. He knew flapping his hands looked childish.

But he needed to _do_.

It was almost painful when the energy went away.

People noticed as a kid.

He was a paradox.

He was _gifted, bright, enthusiastic_ and also _lazy, unmotivated, distractible, stupid_.

He found a balance.

Also paradoxical.

There was a middle ground when his head seemed empty but he could do _so much for so long_ like the euphoria had frozen and there wasn’t any energy or lack of energy. Just a stillness. A calm.

He likedthe balance. Sometimes he could make himself balanced, and sometimes it just happened.

That’s why he was so good at his job.

It stopped the euphoria and left everything as it should be...

...Perfectly calm and focused and right.

_Is this what normal feels like?_

Maybe the balance is what hid the chaos for so long.

A childhood formed of hours spent learning and reading and researching and focusing. Compensating.

The euphoria would tail along and people would notice the contrast and that he was a paradox.

He was 25 when he learned the paradox was called _attention deficit hyperactivity disorder_.

Disorder.

The law of entropy.

Everything tended toward disorder.

He lived in disorder. He thrived in it. He swam in a pool of energy. He was the Big Bang creating somethingchaotic and deadly and dangerous and infinite and beautiful.

Spencer’s mind was a beautiful disaster.


End file.
